Ok I'll explain my 2 lives, most adults have them.
First is the home life, relaxed, feet up watching TV with a pizza, with partner stealing little bits and giving it to the giggling kids. No pressure.
When kids with normal human parents are growing up, this is really the only life they know.
Other life is the business meeting, with heightened awareness, still smiling and being polite, but standing your corner, showing solutions, bit of adrenalin, but everything you say is thought out and controlled and keep on smiling, maintain self control , never show weakness, never drop your guard.
Now, can you imagine throwing an 8 year old into a business meeting and demanding results. They'd crumble, wouldn't have a clue what was happening. That's what happens to victims of NM's , children and adults, because they don't realize it's actually a high awareness meeting, they are still in relax mode. Can you then imagine the stress on a young child to be under this pressure most of the waking day. It's horrible and unnatural. Probably explains why there's so many bitter and angry victims writing and following these type blogs.
|Dear Mother, it appears that you have removed my childhood, please arrange for it's prompt return|
Ok, back to the theory stuff I've just invented. Right, we both know that a Narc is never off duty, so move into important meeting mode when she's around. Keep that public face switched on, but never drop your guard, because hers is always up too.
If enablers are around, they are the useful idiots, they really don't see things coming either, they just react when they're hit. Use them, I sometimes feel a bit bad, but I use my Dad like this against NM. Just humorous little digs at NM that he always laughs at.
My NM likes to educate so I use looks too, my favourite is 'you don't really know what you're talking about do you'. It's deniable and easily answered with 'no I'm just concentrating, it sounds really complicated.'
And because Narcs are never beaten they will keep explaining, so the next response is , 'that's not what you said last time' . Time to bring in the useful idiots and get them to help. Creep BIL always jumps to her defence and gets angry and pompous. Now you've won, time to give that annoying knowing smile and quip, 'Just testing'
Last time back on a solo visit I spent an evening with NM's enabler best friends son. NM was trying to put me off so I knew it was a good idea. I used this to spread a bit of dissent about my mothers mental health, actually it was a riot, we laughed all night, but the points got across. Those clucking hens on the cathedral committees are starting to worry that NM is getting forgetful and gets angry and flustered easily. I also implied incontinence, a great reputation killer.
It's all a bit of mischief but I'd rather be watching TV with beer and pizza.